Life is tough. Heavy, abrasive and brutal. For all of us. We are often stuck in positions that are absolutely unique, individual and hard to understand for anybody else other than ourselves, just because understanding them would require being trapped in a helpless situation up to the point in which none of our decisions or actions will change the powerful tide of social judgment.

Even though the development and progress in social movements is absolutely necessary (which is vital for the evolution towards a more egalitarian and balanced society) this movement keeps failing to identify and protect the individuals that are trapped in the crossfire massively due to the horrible behaviours of a minority in our population.

Let’s be specific.

Spain clearly has a sexist violence problem. Stats support this. Here is the link that breaks it down: https://www.ine.es/dyngs/Prensa/EVDVG2024.htm

This is something that must be addressed and dealt with.

Women must gain ownership for their own protection, and all of us as a society must provide structural support to handle abusers, so that female victims don’t suffer sexist violence. Period.

This is an issue that truly needs to be addressed boldly and/but specifically.

The big question is:

How do we, as a society, create/provide/succumb to an environment in which vulnerable women end up entangled in dependant relationships with damaging individuals? Why is a potential abuser an actual realistic option for a woman to get in a relationship with? Obviously, traditional patriarcal structures have always encouraged these sort of unbalanced relationships, and that must be stopped right now and right here.

This is as clear as water, on paper.

Trying to solve the situation by redefining a majority of males in our communities as a potential  murderous psychopath is a wild assumption to say the least. The horrible actions of a few must not define a fair majority.

Currently, there is a widespread tendency towards applying a “big brush” approach overall that punishes innocent male individuals due to the new stereotype that presumes that the male partner in a relationship should be considered guilty part until proved otherwise. This blanketed approach is both archaic, inaccurate and unfair in modern societal standards that are being put in place.

Anger in feminist movements is understandable and fair due to the patriarchal damage that women have suffered historically, and that fact is not arguable. However, finding a solution for any societal problem does require a level of detachment from emotion and requires pragmatism. We must cut out the anger and create factual and pragmatic tools that don’t depend on emotion. Statistical accuracy must prevail when considering how to find a solution for a problem that involves all of us, women and men.

I do believe that the feminist movement has leverage (plenty of it) to demand change. But the solution must cater for our society as a whole.

The feminist movement must exits. It raises true and necessary questions. But let’s try too make this progress solid. Let’s try to adjust it so that innocent people don’t have to be sacrificed for a minorities fuckups. Why would I suggest this? Please read below.

It’s unjust to apply a blanketed vision over 50 percent of the population due to the horrible acts committed by a minority. Stats here: https://www.ine.es/dyngs/Prensa/en/EVDVG2024.htm

This is not a challenge to feminism. Feminism is long overdue and necessary. However, we can not create a tool that will crush a group that belongs in our population (it will never go away as it is an intrinsic part of it) as this approach will create the opposite effect rather than the one that was originally intended. A plan of action that is be badly formulated in is inception could result in consequences that could be dramatically destructive. The real question is:

What is truly the outcome that we expect from this conflict?

We are in the middle of a necessary conflict. And that’s good. Change won’t happen without conflict. Real change requires conflict. But the structure that is put in place to sort it out must be able to differentiate between sexist violence and plain human-to-human relationship issues. And this leads us towards a bigger question. Is our society educating the next generations (girls and boys) in a way that will allow to build fairer and healthier relationships? Lets take a minute to think about that.

Emotions tarnish out perception of reality. Like a vail that distorts our vision. If we let our emotions drive the discourse to find a solution to this issue, we will be doomed.

The reality is that women and men are different. This is a fact. Not only physically, but mentally as well. Our society must cater for both groups with this understanding so that we give ourselves a chance to understand each others needs, identify our strengths and our weaknesses, and consider them to work out a better solution. And this is quantifiable. Empirically. No emotion, just facts and statistics. 

For example, as much as the feminist movement is justified, it has its flaws.

The feminist movement always tends to forget the fact that nowadays, suicide rates in men are way higher than women in developed countries. And this is the result of the social pressure and patriarcal structures. The same that targeted and subdued women in the past. Both women and men living in the current times suffer the inheritance of a fucked up vision. Men are taught that they must be strong, endure and provide. Regardless of social status, economics or mental health imbalances. Even if the logical thought  process could challenge it, the actual truth is that this is the current reality in which we live in. Here the link to the stats that shed light on this: https://prevenciondelsuicidio.es/data/

Looking at the statistics, suicide has way more victims than sexism in absolute numbers (90 fold in Spain) and statistics show that male suicide rates are way higher than female ones. This particular stat highlights the unfairness in the interpretation of the data when it’s put forward in the social discourse regarding toxic female-male interactions.

Let’s try to understand that we can not polarise the situation, because this would direct us towards conflict and eventually, collapse. The killers and abusers are an issue that both women and men suffer consequences for. But we are make believe that is a unilateral issue. Lets change this. Lets take responsibility at all levels.

I say to men:

Let’s be better men. Let’s love women. Let’s flag the fucking individuals that live amongst us that are misogynistic cunts, the ones that clearly don’t live up to the basic standards of respect and love. As a man, act upon it. Don’t shy away. Say it loud. Get involved in the small conversations in the daily social context and challenge these fuckers to show that there is no place for that bullshit in our community.

And I say to women:

Allow yourselfs to love us. With our highlights and out flaws. We are far from perfect. But we love you. We are forever wishful that you become the highlight of our lives. Because when you show up, and look at us, and give us a glimpse of your love, we forget everything we knew, you flip our lifes upside down and you glim a shining light upon us that makes us understand why we were born. You justify our existence. And this is pure evolutionary biology. Not an opinion. We are genetically built to adore you.

We as men must do more. Always. To protect all of you. To empower you so that you can defend yourself sufficiently in any situation.

Let’s create the tools so that we can all help each other, love each other, as women and men, but mostly as humans.

All of us are one, and we can not survive without each other.